Wanpin Tay
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Instant karma ; whats goes around comes around.
I was at my ah ma's hm ytd afternoon. I was listening to her grumbling about how my cousins treated her when she tried to nag at them. She was just trying to knock some sense or telling them smth when my younger cousin got so irritated and tried to argued back with her. I saw her sad and disappointed face, it hurts me so. I reminscied what I did when I was younger (ard 16). I often bickered with my mom( all my close frens knew that) and it happened almost every single day. And seeing how hurted can one be when the ones they doted on the most rebutted back on them on whatever they say. I just realised how wrong am I was and felt so guilty about it. At that period of time, I would scream and yell on how much they don't understand me at all, how much depress I was deep inside.
I was looking at LF's blog and she talked abt commit suicide. I was thinking years back, the thought of leaving this horrible world was on and off my mind. I am not afraid on telling everyone I want to commit suicide before. So what ? It's something hideous I know but able to face up to it takes ALOT of courage and I am proud of myself that I could really face to it face to face. I often thought of by just jumping off the building could just bring a STOP to all my problems and my loved ones would just be sad fer a while and will get over it in no longer time. As I grew up, I find that this thinking is wrong, TOTALLY WRONG. We might bring a STOP to the problem by just die like that but brought greater misery to the ones who are still around. I suspected I had depression at that point of time. When I see the window I just feel like jumping down and would cry myself to slp every single day. Oh my, I think I am so scary at that period of time. LOL. And you, my reader if you are thinking of commiting suicide just drop the idea of it. It's silly, truly silly. Believe me.
Carry on with my topic of my ah ma. I asked her to come and stay at my hm instead. She says she doesnt like our bed and my hm is too small to contain another bed fer her. And fer my other uncles and aunties, she says she don't like theirs either. Hais. Thats why mommy says when we get to a certain age , we are very pityful.. We don't have a place to call home and noone to talk to.
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